Bring you jokes~!

[Mindf!3ldzX]

heard this one on DNews.... lol



So, bacon eggs & toast walk into a bar.
Bartender says , Sorry we don't serve breakfast here.

[wicked_lord]

Me: how many toes does a rooster have?
Guy: 6
Me: how many teeth does a cat have?
Guy: I dont know.

Me: You know more about c0ck then you do pus$y.

[Canadian*Sniper]

Read this one recently. If this offends you and you want to tell me how it offends you, write the reply, press delete, and enjoy life.

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?

A dead epileptic.

[wicked_lord]

Read this one recently. If this offends you and you want to tell me how it offends you, write the reply, press delete, and enjoy life.

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?

A dead epileptic.

Anyone offended by a joke were raised to be a sissy. Dont like it ignore it and move on..

[Canadian*Sniper]

Anyone offended by a joke were raised to be a sissy. Dont like it ignore it and move on..

I get offended by bad jokes.

Where did little Suzy go after the explosion?

Everywhere.

[wicked_lord]

What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney?

Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too!

[Mindf!3ldzX]

hahaha,so many angles in that joke!

[Phenom]

Two ISIS members (Ahk & Mehd) are walking down a sand ridden path...

They come across a goat with it's head stuck in a wire fence and Ahk turns to Mehd and says...

Ahk:"Are you thinkin what I'm thinkin?"

So Ahk gets on his knees and starts humping the goat vigorously.
After a few moments pass Ahk stands up, turns to Mehd and says...

Ahk:"Your turn."

Mehd replies...
Mehd:"Ok but do I have to stick my head in the fence?

[Phenom]

***DOUBLE WAMMY***

John walks up to his girlfriend and says...

John:"Woman! Get your stuff packed, we're going fishin!"

His girlfriend replies...

Girlfriend:"I ain't goin fishin John, I'm stayin right here."

John gets upset and tells her

John:"If you don't get up and get yer stuff ready I'm gunna fuck you in the ass! Now I'm gunna go load up the truck and when I get back you better be ready!"

John's girlfriend not wanting a backdoor surprise decides to pursued John by giving him a BJ instead when he returns in hopes to let her stay.

John returns shortly after with a fishin pole in hand and Buck his hound dog. John walks up to his girlfriend and says...

John:"So which is it? Fishin or ass-fuckn?"

John's girlfriend gets on her knees and starts blowing John's skin whistle to change his mind but stops a few seconds later and says...

Girlfriend:"John! Your dick tastes like shit!"

John replies...

John:"I know... Buck didn't want to go fishin neither."

[Shadowswift]

I have a joke about ebola.

...you probably won't get it.

[Krymzon 45]

There was a truck driver that has been on the road for over 24 hours non stop and is feeling ready for a good nights rest but he wants a hot bowl of chili for dinner. He pulls off at the next truck stop and goes to the dinner and asks for a bowl of chili but the waitress said they just ran out and a man bought the last bowl just a second ago. He settles for a baked potato instead. He sits there and notices the man with the chili isn't eating it. He is getting pissed at this point. After about 15 minutes he walks up to the man and says are you going to eat that chili or what? He said no sir you can have it. So the truck driver sits down and eats about 10 big spoon full bites and sees a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl and vomits into it. The man began laughing and said yea that's about as far as I got as well.

[Mindf!3ldzX]

Q: What does the Enterprise and Toliet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus wiping out Klingons.

source: Star Trek Jokes - Star Trek One Liners Jokes

[Canadian*Sniper]

Times have really changed. You can't even say Black Paint anymore. The politically correct way to say it now is Jamal, please paint the fence.

[wicked_lord]

Guy walks into a bar and takes a look around, finally he sees this beauty sitting at the bar and there is an empty barstool next to her so he walks up and says 'mam is anyone sitting here?' , she replied 'no sir its all yours'.. a few minutes goes by and the man looks at the women and says 'you like surprises?' She replies 'what woman doesnt?'. So he tells her to close her eyes and then he takes off his shirt and then tells her to open her eyes, she looks stunned at the sight of his bulging muscles, he says ' i got 250lbs of dynamite right here and its all yours baby'... she gets all excited.. a few minutes later he said ' close your eyes I got another surprise.' She closes her eyes and he takes off his pants and says ok open those eyes... immediately she opens her eyes and takes a hard look. The man says ' i got 450lbs of dynamite right here and its all for you baby.' She immediately grabs her purse and bolts for the door, the man however was confused and put on his clothes and chased after her, he catches up to her as she is getting into her car and he says 'hey baby why you leavin so soon?' She replies 'with all that dynamite and that short fuse I thought you were going to blow.'...

[wicked_lord]

Guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that says 'If you can make this horse laugh we will give you $1,000 dollars.'
Man walks up to the bartender and says 'has anyone ever made a horse laugh?' Bartender replies 'nope not that I know of but for $5 you can try.' So after a few beers and some wishful thinking the guy pays the five dollars and goes back to the horse and whispered something in the horses ear and then walks away, meanwhile the horse bust out laughing and laughed for a few hours after. A few weeks later the same guy walks into the bar and sees a sign that says 'If you can make this horse cry you will get $5,000'. The man asks the bartender for a drink and then pays the $25 fee to go see the horse. Few minutes later the man walks out and the horse is crying like a big baby, some people in the bar recognize the man from the time he made the horse laugh and they stopped him at the door and said 'the last time you were here you made the horse laugh and this time you made him cry, how did you manage that after thousands of people tried?'.. the man says ' well you see the first time I told the horse my d.ick was bigger then his and he laughed at me, So after a few weeks of thinking about it I came back and showed him.'