Best Chocolate Chip Cookies In The World

[MadGypsy]

Use a spice grinder and pulverize 1.5 cups (12 oz.) of roasted pumpkin seeds.

Add 1/4 cup (4 oz.) brown sugar and 1/4 cup white sugar.

Add 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

In a separate container:

Mix 1/4 cup softened butter and 1/4 cup peanut butter

*You can microwave the butters for a few seconds so it's easy to mix

Add 1 egg, a splash of vanilla extract and 2 splashes of some kind of liquid (ie cow/soy/almond/coconut milk or even just water)

Make sure your dry mix is mixed very well
Make sure your wet mix is mixed very well

Dump some dry into the wet and mix. Keep repeating that til there is no dry mix left. DO NOT attempt to mix all the dry into the wet at one time. It will clump and you will have to wash whatever appliance you now have to use to beat the hell out of it.

Once all the wet and dry is consistently mixed dump in a bunch of chocolate chips and mix them in well.

Refrigerate the completed mix til all the butters have resolidified.

What does this have to do with quake?

Simple. Spoon your chilled mix onto a greased baking sheet so they look like chocolate chip spawns and bake at 350 in a preheated oven for about 12 minutes. You can go longer if you like crispy edges.

The reason this is the best chocolate chip cookies in the world is because, pumpkin seeds are super good for you and bleached flour is not. Halfing the butter with peanut butter adds more protein and allows a crispier cookie that is harder to burn. With the exception of the sodium this cookie is actually good for you and has a retarded amount of protein. It also tastes way better than your standard white flour and butter recipe. It is hardy though. If you like to sit around and eat a bag of cookies this is not the cookie for you cause after about 2 you are going to feel full for a month.

All the ingredients I use are 'organic this' and 'all natural that' but, it isn't necessary. You could probably use jiffy, pulverized sunflower seeds and white eggs. The main thing is to completely eliminate the white flour and cut the butter down.

For a gooier cookie use 2 egg yolks and no whites. For a cakier cookie use 2 whites and no yolk. For a puffier and lighter cookie use a little more baking soda. To make a cake add another egg* and a cup of whatever milk liquid you used.

*Don't add another egg if you went with the 2 whites method. Instead add another dash of baking soda but understand your cake will be super light and if you take it out the oven (or even open the oven) too early it will collapse. Instead of a fluffy cake you will end up with a dense pancake. I usually turn the oven off and look through the window. If the cake starts to fall I turn the oven back on. If it doesn't fall after a minute or so it's ready.

You don't have to make all the dough at once. I do this all the time where I spoon out 3 cookies and refrigerate the rest. That way there is always fresh cookies. I'm dead serious when I say these cookies will fill you up. I don't care how fat you are you aren't going to eat a whole tray of these cookies. Your stomach would bust... or definitely feel like it will.

[Dutch]

What does this have to do with quake?

Simple. Spoon your chilled mix onto a greased baking sheet so they look like chocolate chip spawns and bake at 350 in a preheated oven for about 12 minutes. You can go longer if you like crispy edges.

Lol!

Thanks for the recipe. Will have to try this out. How many attempts with different ingredients did it take you to iron this out?

[MadGypsy]

I've been working on this recipe for 2 years. I'll give you a heads up on how to make it better. The above recipe is the simple wet/dry way but, it's not the best way.

Everything is the same but you prepare it a little different. Make 2 wets. One that is just butters and the other is the rest of wets. Put the sugars in the butters instead of the dry mix and microwave it til it is all melted. Work the butters into the dry til you have little flour balls that clump but completely fall apart if you rub it between your fingers. If you know the right way to make biscuits the results should be the same as that. Then work the other wet mix into your flour clump mix. The original way I posted makes good cookies. If you do it this way your cookies will be pro. The texture, consistency, baked results, everything will be like gourmet cookies from some fancy-shmancy bakery.

Here's the thing. Always do it this way for any cookie recipe.

Re:

1) butters + sugars completely melted
2) butter melt + dry mixed til flour clump crumbles
3) stir in other wets
4) ALWAYS refrigerate til butters resolidified

You may think "why do these steps matter, ingredients are ingredients?"

It matters a lot. Mixing all the dry into all of the wet has an inconsistent absorption. Mixing butters into the dry forces perfect absorption. Adding the other wet after allows a perfectly consistent binder for already inundated dry. Chilling the batter to resolidify the butter stops the batter from spreading out immediately and making giant and thin cookies.

Really, once you know how to make the perfect flour clump crumbles and understand how the texture changes according to how much wet you use and how much of that wet is egg. You can makes bad ass cookies or cakes out of anything.

I could make amazing cookies out of sawdust, linseed oil, eggs and paint thinner. You couldn't eat them but they would be perfect in every other way. This is because all of these ingredients possess the textures I need to make the proper batter.

Chocolate, chocolate chip cookies

Completely replace pumpkin seeds with coacoa powder. If you do this you need to do 2 things.

1) learn how to make the perfect flour clump crumbles first. Coacoa powder is very fine and it will take more than 1.5 cups.
2) keep adding coacoa a teaspoon at a time til your flour clump crumbles mix is the proper consistency.

Biscuits

Lose almost all of the sugar, all of the vanilla extract and all of the egg. Keep mixing in small amounts of whatever milk or water you use til you have biscuit dough. You HAVE to make the flour clump crumbles to make biscuits and that's what you should be stirring your milk into.

Pancakes

Same as biscuits but add an egg and more milk

Do ya'll see the point here? Everything is the same damn thing. Flour clump crumbles with varying amount of milk/eggs is the recipe for ALMOST everything bready. Even beignets. The acceptions that come to mind are brownies, pie crust and actual bread.

Beignets

Make biscuits dough with extra sugar and fry it.

[MadGypsy]

This is just a hair too moist but, perfectly acceptable for flour clump crumbles. Pulverized seeds do not absorb the same as flour so you usually have to back off a hair on the butters. You may notice it looks a bit like I destroyed a cake and that's sort of the point here. The texture should be slightly wetter than if you took your baked product and crumbled it. It should also taste really yummy. If it doesn't taste pretty much how you expect your cookie to, this is the time to fix it. Keep in mind you still have to add vanilla extract and egg so, of course you shouldn't be expecting those flavors.

[MadGypsy]

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These are perfect results. The rise, color and texture are spot on.

For flour I used

3 parts pulverized roasted pumpkin seeds
3 parts pulverized granola
2 parts vanilla whey powder

I didn't measure the "butters". I just kept mixing in peanut butter til it was the perfect "flour" clump/crumble. I really never measure the "butters". It just comes out better if you slowly mix in more til it's enough. I tossed whole pumpkin seeds and chocolate chips in the mix. I think this version could have used some raisins.

I don't know if you can tell by the pic but, unlike most peanut butter cookies this isn't hard or dry. It's quite moist and will remain soft as long as it's either warm or covered.

These cookies are jacked with protein. Aside from pumpkin seeds, granola, whey and peanut butter there is also egg and almond milk.

I've seriously overlooked how awesome protein is. I've been eating roughly a gram for every pound I weigh, a day, every day. My body is ripping up and I don't even work out. My girl (registered nurse) says it's muscle memory. It's giving me motivation to start working out again and see how far I can push my body.

In about a month of devouring protein I have gained about 6 lbs of muscle (back) without lifting anything heavier than a sandwich (cause I cook them 9 hours a day for a living)

[Dutch]

Well done. Always liked peanut butter cookies the most, but 90% of the time they are too hard, the other 10% of the time they are 'processed' soft...think walmart quality. Like they lubed them 90 weight gear oil. Lol.

@protein

I discovered the same thing when i first started lifting. I put on 22 lbs of muscle in 7-8 months. I had a trainer for the first year who told me most of that was just eating more protein. Your body wants to be at certain muscle mass, and it can't do that without eating a shit-ton of protein. Beyond genetics though, is where you have to bust ass at the gym and what not.

I've never been a '6-pack abs' guy...even at the very peak of my work-out routine I could barely see definition. I didn't really care though...being 100% ripped means having no fat, and no fat means your body will consume muscle instead. Ever notice how these body builders bulk up, then starve themselves to get all defined? Imagine how big/strong they could be if they skipped the definition BS.

[MadGypsy]

I've always been a lean but muscley 6 pack abs guy. I guess I've always resembled a very slightly smaller basketball player. I have to admit that right now I have a very little gut. I wouldn't at all consider myself to be out of shape or "40" though. If I just sweat my ass off for 2 days it would be gone.

My abs came from Pilates breathing exercises for your abdominals. I have literally been doing Pilates breathing exercises all day long for about 20 years. At this point I don't even think about it. It's just one exercise in particular where you tighten/release your abdominals while breathing in/out with a slight hold before the out. I generally do it all day while working. Many years ago when I was getting a physical before my surgery the doctor couldn't even run one test because my abdominals were too hard. He was trying to do this thing where he holds the stethoscope to my stomach and taps the back of his own knuckles... I assume this is supposed to produce some kind of sound indication of something. His exact words "You have an incredible mass of muscle in your abdominal region.'

@22 pounds

O.O! That's a whole fuckin lot of muscle.

@dry/hard cookies

The secret is the flour clump/crumble mix. If you get that just right your cookies will always be awesome. It really is about making it the way you would want it to be if you mutilated an already baked cookie/cake. For these cookies I literally did it by hand. I kept working the peanut butter through the dry mix til it felt perfect. I did not melt the sugars into the butter this time. Every dry ingredient went in a bowl together. Once the peanut butter was mixed in I mixed in 1 egg, 2 caps of vanilla extract and 2 splashes of almond milk. The batter was a bit sticky and it was necessary to use a rubber spatula to get the last of it out of the bowl.

If you wanted to actually make these, a "part" (as mentioned in my last post) was 2oz... resulting in 2 cups of "flour". Baking soda is always a half teaspoon (per egg) . Salt is always somewhere around a teaspoon (per egg) but also considered against the salt of the other ingredients. Peanut butter and roasted pumpkin seeds are already salty so I used a half tsp. In this case "per egg" is regarding a cookie recipe and that's probably a terrible way for me to put it. I should replace "per egg" with per "half recipe". Most cookie recipes make twice the cookies mine do.I make half batches so I can always have fresh dough. I never make more than 4 cookies at a time and my recipe makes around 12 in total. That's about 3 days of cookies. The dough will definitely last longer than 3 days in the fridge but to make a full recipe it would have to last 6 or more days, and it will but the cookies do start to lose something after that much time.

[maddox]

Well done! Will have to try this out!
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[Focalor]

Well done! Will have to try this out!
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An even better recipe:
Mix equal parts Drain-O and brake fluid in a container. Breathe the resulting fumes as deep as you can. No matter what, do not stop until you have cookies.