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Hello there, QuakeOne, Shadow here. Thanks for taking the time to read. We have a very special guest with us today, without who, Quake would probably be some other game. Let’s give a warm QuakeOne.com welcome for your hero and mine, Quake Guy!
[Applause]
Q1- Quake Guy, thanks for your time, I’m sure you’re a very busy man.
Quake Guy- Yeah, no problem, man.
Q1- Right. Let’s get our formalities in order, if you don’t mind. What shall I call you? QG? Ranger? Or do you have a first name we haven’t heard yet?
Quake Guy- Do not call me QG unless you feel like eating rocket soufflé for dinner. I don’t know who the hell Ranger is. Wasn’t he some other Marine from the slipgate wars that fought in the Arena games? Quake Guy is fine for the purposes of this interview.
Q1- Alright, then. Quake Guy it is.
Quake Guy- Well? Who the hell are you? You gonna ask me who I am and not even introduce yourself? You got some bad manners, son.
Q1- I’m Shadowswift. I used to be called Death Knight. Forgive me for my bad mannerisms.
Quake Guy- Whatever.
Q1- So, then. Where to start? So many questions, so little time. Why don’t we start off by you telling us a little bit about yourself. Id Software decided they didn’t want to give you any kind of background, so why don’t you fill us in on that? Who exactly is ‘Quake Guy’?
Quake Guy- Well, alright then. I was born in the wild wild west, Boulder City, Nevada to be exact. When I was 18, I left home and joined the USMC. By 20 I was a Sergeant Major, serving under some asshole lieutenant. Ten years later, some egghead invented the Slipgate and all hell breaks loose…you know the rest. I majored in metal shop in high school, I can cook the best damn salsbury steak you ever ate, I hate dogs, I love ZZ Top, and I can hit a moving target with a rocket from five-hundred meters away. That about covers it.
Q1- What is it about you that you think puts you above all the other marines? Why do you believe you survived and single-handedly defeated the armies of Shub-Niggurath when everyone else died?
Quake Guy- I’d like to say that it’s because I’m so goddamn awesome, because I know how to effectively use every weapon ever invented, because I can drop on some hapless sonofabitch and whack their heads off with my axe before they even know I’m there…and yeah, it’d be mostly true…but truthfully, the biggest reason I’m still alive and everyone else is a walking corpse is because I was away from the base when it was attacked. Typical, huh?
Q1- Do you look up to anyone?
Quake Guy- Yeah. Doom Guy was a pretty badass soldier. If I had to go toe-to-toe with him, it’d be a pretty awesome fight, to say the least. Hey, you should interview him next! Let me be in the room if you ever do that, alright? I’d like to hear some of the stuff he’d have to say.
Q1- Sure thing. Do you have any plans for the future?
Quake Guy- At the moment, no…not really. There’s always a chance something could decide to attack the earth and endanger everything civilization holds dear. When that happens, I guess I could find the time to save the day again.
Q1- Is there anything that really bothers you about your job?
Quake Guy- My ‘job’? Ha. Risking my life, facing perils that would frighten a normal man into pissing his shorts, employing various heavy artillery weapons, exploring ancient lands that mortal men have never dared to go, embracing magic relics and feeling their massive powers course through my veins as I rip terrifying inter-dimensional creatures apart with extreme prejudice…there’s nothing about what I do that I would refer to as a ‘job’. I love what I do, and I do what I love. If I could, I’d bloody my axe in the entrails of monsters all day, every day. We’re all good at something. Some men are good at painting. Some can play a mean guitar. Some men build huge skyscrapers and stuff. Me? I’m good at blowing things up.
Q1- What’s your favorite weapon of all time?
Quake Guy- Rocket Launcher. Next question.
Q1- Would you be interested in starring in any other games?
Quake Guy- I wouldn’t mind seeing a Quake Guy character in the next Fallout game. Elder Scrolls would be fun, but they don’t have any guns in those games.
Q1- What’s your favorite multiplayer mod?
Quake Guy- Free-for-All Deathmatch. Capture the Flag is fun, too. It’s like football…with rocket launchers!
Q1- How’d you make it through the entire campaign against Shub-Niggurath without eating, drinking, sleeping, or relieving yourself?
Quake Guy- You kidding? My food source was the charred flesh of my fallen foes. Nothing roasts better than fiend tenderloin. Whenever I got to swim in the blue water, I’d drink. Whenever I had to swim in the brown water, I’d relieve myself, and whenever I’d exit a map to go to the next one, I’d sleep during the loading screen. Remember how long those damn things were back in 1996? Holy crap…
Q1- Is there anything you regret?
Quake Guy- Yeah, I never got to star in a sequel. I dunno who that Grunt guy was that starred in Quake 2, but I could have done a much better job than he did.
Q1- It’s funny you say that after saying how much you admired the hero from Doom. Doom and Quake II were rather similar…
Quake Guy- You kidding me? Doom Guy was twice the soldier Grunt was. This guy goes and fights a bunch of Frankenstein Strogg things with an unlimited-ammo blaster pistol and struggles to come out on top. Now you mark my words when I say that you haven’t seen a true hero until you see a guy wearing lime-green combat armor and a bucket on his head take down a Cyberdemon with a .45.
Q1- If you could fight a boss fight from any other game, who would it be?
Quake Guy- You ever played the game Devil May Cry 3? I wouldn’t mind fighting Vergil. He seemed like a pretty bad-ass fighter, being able to deflect bullets and rockets and crap with just a katana. Either him or Wheatley from Portal 2. That would be fun.
Q1- What do you think of all the real world’s debate topics? Politics, religion, international disputes, that kind of stuff?
Quake Guy- Ain’t nobody got time for that crap. Look, as long as you aren’t trying to change my lifestyle or cram your unwanted opinions down my throat, I don’t give a crap what you do, want, believe in, or hate. My philosophy is this: take care of your own crap and worry about your own ass before you get a rocket lodged in it.
Q1- Thank you for your time tonight, Quake Guy. It’s been a pleasure. Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to impart upon us before you return to the fray?
Quake Guy- Live long, Quake often, and don’t forget where the Red Armor is.
[Applause]
Q1- Quake Guy, thanks for your time, I’m sure you’re a very busy man.
Quake Guy- Yeah, no problem, man.
Q1- Right. Let’s get our formalities in order, if you don’t mind. What shall I call you? QG? Ranger? Or do you have a first name we haven’t heard yet?
Quake Guy- Do not call me QG unless you feel like eating rocket soufflé for dinner. I don’t know who the hell Ranger is. Wasn’t he some other Marine from the slipgate wars that fought in the Arena games? Quake Guy is fine for the purposes of this interview.
Q1- Alright, then. Quake Guy it is.
Quake Guy- Well? Who the hell are you? You gonna ask me who I am and not even introduce yourself? You got some bad manners, son.
Q1- I’m Shadowswift. I used to be called Death Knight. Forgive me for my bad mannerisms.
Quake Guy- Whatever.
Q1- So, then. Where to start? So many questions, so little time. Why don’t we start off by you telling us a little bit about yourself. Id Software decided they didn’t want to give you any kind of background, so why don’t you fill us in on that? Who exactly is ‘Quake Guy’?
Quake Guy- Well, alright then. I was born in the wild wild west, Boulder City, Nevada to be exact. When I was 18, I left home and joined the USMC. By 20 I was a Sergeant Major, serving under some asshole lieutenant. Ten years later, some egghead invented the Slipgate and all hell breaks loose…you know the rest. I majored in metal shop in high school, I can cook the best damn salsbury steak you ever ate, I hate dogs, I love ZZ Top, and I can hit a moving target with a rocket from five-hundred meters away. That about covers it.
Q1- What is it about you that you think puts you above all the other marines? Why do you believe you survived and single-handedly defeated the armies of Shub-Niggurath when everyone else died?
Quake Guy- I’d like to say that it’s because I’m so goddamn awesome, because I know how to effectively use every weapon ever invented, because I can drop on some hapless sonofabitch and whack their heads off with my axe before they even know I’m there…and yeah, it’d be mostly true…but truthfully, the biggest reason I’m still alive and everyone else is a walking corpse is because I was away from the base when it was attacked. Typical, huh?
Q1- Do you look up to anyone?
Quake Guy- Yeah. Doom Guy was a pretty badass soldier. If I had to go toe-to-toe with him, it’d be a pretty awesome fight, to say the least. Hey, you should interview him next! Let me be in the room if you ever do that, alright? I’d like to hear some of the stuff he’d have to say.
Q1- Sure thing. Do you have any plans for the future?
Quake Guy- At the moment, no…not really. There’s always a chance something could decide to attack the earth and endanger everything civilization holds dear. When that happens, I guess I could find the time to save the day again.
Q1- Is there anything that really bothers you about your job?
Quake Guy- My ‘job’? Ha. Risking my life, facing perils that would frighten a normal man into pissing his shorts, employing various heavy artillery weapons, exploring ancient lands that mortal men have never dared to go, embracing magic relics and feeling their massive powers course through my veins as I rip terrifying inter-dimensional creatures apart with extreme prejudice…there’s nothing about what I do that I would refer to as a ‘job’. I love what I do, and I do what I love. If I could, I’d bloody my axe in the entrails of monsters all day, every day. We’re all good at something. Some men are good at painting. Some can play a mean guitar. Some men build huge skyscrapers and stuff. Me? I’m good at blowing things up.
Q1- What’s your favorite weapon of all time?
Quake Guy- Rocket Launcher. Next question.
Q1- Would you be interested in starring in any other games?
Quake Guy- I wouldn’t mind seeing a Quake Guy character in the next Fallout game. Elder Scrolls would be fun, but they don’t have any guns in those games.
Q1- What’s your favorite multiplayer mod?
Quake Guy- Free-for-All Deathmatch. Capture the Flag is fun, too. It’s like football…with rocket launchers!
Q1- How’d you make it through the entire campaign against Shub-Niggurath without eating, drinking, sleeping, or relieving yourself?
Quake Guy- You kidding? My food source was the charred flesh of my fallen foes. Nothing roasts better than fiend tenderloin. Whenever I got to swim in the blue water, I’d drink. Whenever I had to swim in the brown water, I’d relieve myself, and whenever I’d exit a map to go to the next one, I’d sleep during the loading screen. Remember how long those damn things were back in 1996? Holy crap…
Q1- Is there anything you regret?
Quake Guy- Yeah, I never got to star in a sequel. I dunno who that Grunt guy was that starred in Quake 2, but I could have done a much better job than he did.
Q1- It’s funny you say that after saying how much you admired the hero from Doom. Doom and Quake II were rather similar…
Quake Guy- You kidding me? Doom Guy was twice the soldier Grunt was. This guy goes and fights a bunch of Frankenstein Strogg things with an unlimited-ammo blaster pistol and struggles to come out on top. Now you mark my words when I say that you haven’t seen a true hero until you see a guy wearing lime-green combat armor and a bucket on his head take down a Cyberdemon with a .45.
Q1- If you could fight a boss fight from any other game, who would it be?
Quake Guy- You ever played the game Devil May Cry 3? I wouldn’t mind fighting Vergil. He seemed like a pretty bad-ass fighter, being able to deflect bullets and rockets and crap with just a katana. Either him or Wheatley from Portal 2. That would be fun.
Q1- What do you think of all the real world’s debate topics? Politics, religion, international disputes, that kind of stuff?
Quake Guy- Ain’t nobody got time for that crap. Look, as long as you aren’t trying to change my lifestyle or cram your unwanted opinions down my throat, I don’t give a crap what you do, want, believe in, or hate. My philosophy is this: take care of your own crap and worry about your own ass before you get a rocket lodged in it.
Q1- Thank you for your time tonight, Quake Guy. It’s been a pleasure. Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to impart upon us before you return to the fray?
Quake Guy- Live long, Quake often, and don’t forget where the Red Armor is.
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