Craigslist Bandit

[MadGypsy]

I have this lil hobby where I troll craigslist personals and either piss people off or make my own personal ad of insanity. This is better than any conceivable form of entertainment often. I decided to share these with you all, over time as I have funny ones. I don't know if this example is up to par on the funny meter but it's all I have ATM.

real ad:

I've read the posting of the guys looking for women ... and it seems like almost all of them describe themselves as a "laid back" guy ... well I'm looking for the total opposite !!!

I don't want a guy with the "I don't care" type attitude !!!! Instead a want a guy who DOES care and especially a guy who cares about all of the details ... even the little details! Whether it's that his pocket square matches his tie, whether it's the bow on the bouquet of flowers that he gives at the beginning of the date, or even down to planning the drive time and parking situation for our date.

So if you have ever been called "picky", if you are the kind of guy who corrects the grammar (or pronounciation) of others, and/or can send food back at a restaurant - then you could definitely be the guy for me.

Serious replies only! Please list a few ways (real life examples only) of who you are the opposite of a "laid back" guy and describe with details the date to which you would like to take me.

P.S. I am a SWF, 37, never married, no children, non-smoker, non-drinker, college educated brunette, so you please be a SWM and close in age.

my response:
LOL!! You want a fa.g! Pocket squares? LMAO!! You are so superficial it is unreal. To hell with goals and ambition, you want to eat spit or whatever the cooks put in what THEY sent back, and look good doing it. Try bourbon street past the poles, plenty of what you are looking for down there.

When the SHTF, you'll be looking at that matching tie, wishing a man was wearing it instead of the sissy you described.

[Mindf!3ldzX]

I have this lil hobby where I troll craigslist personals and either piss people off or make my own personal ad of insanity. This is better than any conceivable form of entertainment often. I decided to share these with you all, over time as I have funny ones. I don't know if this example is up to par on the funny meter but it's all I have ATM.

real ad:


my response:
LOL!! You want a fa.g! Pocket squares? LMAO!! You are so superficial it is unreal. To hell with goals and ambition, you want to eat spit or whatever the cooks put in what THEY sent back, and look good doing it. Try bourbon street past the poles, plenty of what you are looking for down there.

When the SHTF, you'll be looking at that matching tie, wishing a man was wearing it instead of the sissy you described.

looking for a S.O. via a hefty list of criteria is destined to fail anyway. Me and the Mrs have practically zero in common except we both owned PC's (except I could fix them and she could use the mouse. We met because I was introduced for fixing her pc,we clicked from there onward !)

She is wiccan and im an abandoned baptist, I had enough of it through my childhood and teenage years.I just can't get down with religion anymore. Science fills that void,I have high expectations for our race through science.

[MadGypsy]

I went to send that and it just wasn't right. I'm a little deeper than "you want a f.ag". I wanted a better contour to the message. I decided to slim it down and make the first 2/3rds about what I "think". Then, just when she hates my guts for sure, throw in something sentimental and (mo) deep. Followed by one last thought of not-niceness and a smug close.

My final piece, this has really been sent already

LOL! You want a f.ag. You should just make that your post.

"I want someone that men would think to be a f.ag

I'm over the hump and never committed to anything, be similar."

Oh crap, I might have tendencies to be your dream guy. I just nailed all the details and it only took me two sentences. Now, if I just cared about flower bows and pocket squares I might actually grow a vagina and we would be perfect together.

Just think, all the time that I wouldn't waste worrying about completely stupid shit, could be spent actually working towards something of substance. Instead of focusing my attention on things that can be destroyed. I can focus my attention on the only thing that no one can ever destroy, our love for one another.

Enjoy the spit you are probably eating when you get your food back.

love,
Michael

I write all the time and it's still so complicated to do it good. Also, just to be clear, being gay and being a fa.g (in my world) are not the same thing. You can be all the gay you want and I couldn't care less. Stay the fuck away from me with some f.ag nonsense though. I don't like sissy boys at all.

[Phenom]

Actually, since it's craigslist this is kinda funny!

[SneakyPete]

That's not funny. It's just mean. What is the purpose.

You need help MadGypsy.

[Shambler234]

I think one of my friends was asking panties from local women on craigslist just to screw with them.

[MadGypsy]

@That's not funny - it is when they reply back. The stuff these "educated" women tell me is astounding. Actually, the fact they would reply at all discredits their intelligence.

@It's just mean - this one definitely is a bit mean. I tried to dial it back while still harnessing some douche power but, I don't know if I really nailed how I saw it in my head. They aren't always mean. Actually they are mean as often as they are something else, individually. Often they are just mental. I had a girl convinced that I live in a van behind the levy and I really needed a shower. I was in this situation because my heroine addicted girlfriend caught me stealing her drugs and kicked me out of the house. I wasn't looking for romance, I just wanted a shower. My goal was to get this girl to let me take a shower at her house. I succeeded then told her she is awesome and on candid craigslist. No bullshit! I did not actually ever meet her or take a shower at her house. I got her to agree to let me take one, though.

@What is the point - Well, that's kinda shady actually. 1 point is to practice writing (maybe not in the most productive manner). While the other point is to fuck with people that generally belong on Jerry Springer. I have met some of these people, when I decide to take my act on the road. If you are looking for romance on New Orleans Craigslist, you must be incredibly desparate.

@I need help - point me to someone that you believe can help me. I'm not crazy. There isn't a neurosis that you could "discover" in me that I am not completely aware of. The very existance of this thread proves that I will be a complete douche bag and now I've even told you that fact. I'm not afraid to be defective. Who can help me to "overcome" the self that I am aware that I am? What version of perfect would you have me be, your version?

I don't post things to gain acceptance. I'm sure the word f.ag probably offended somebody. The tone of the email probably turned some people off. The fact that I would spend any time doing this at all probably puts red X's on "Gypsy" in some peoples mind. I'll never appologize for having the balls to be myself.

[Zop]

What I see, when I read the craigslist ad, is someone who was tired of "laid-back" guys and wanted something different. You are not taking the actions of a troll, but the actions of a bully. Then, to allow yourself to dehumanize them by your own pretenses shows me you can be an ignorant sociopath.

Perhaps these are things you already know, and most of these replies are nothing new to you. Since you're happy with the way things are, I can assume this is now beneficial to you. But when you are not living the life you desire and have a general sense of things not being right, perhaps you will then seek outside help. But hey, perhaps you can embrace your inner workings and become a cutthroat CEO or politician.

[MadGypsy]

You are awesome, Zop! I'm not being sarcastic. Such clean and clear judgment, yet not really disrespectful. I dig it, bro.

The world is a program and I am a programmer. People are also programs... and I am a programmer. I'd probably make an excellent psychologist/profiler cause I've dismantled just about every possible "program".

I'm not a bully, I'm a practicing puppeteer. The smallest "introduction" of any kind, can become the strings that move you. There is only one rule. You have to accept the strings. I can't make you do that but you put just one string on and I will make you dance for my enjoyment.

I don't know how to be anymore honest and blunt. I reserve my art for strangers though. I like having friends and I have no desire to fuck with them. Strangers are also far more complicated... a real challenge. Anyone can appeal to their buddy to do something or use their familiarity to instigate a desired response. That's not a challenge. It's also horrible (using/abusing your friends trust and devotion). Strangers though... I didn't force you to "keep" me and I never commanded you to allow my words (nothing more) to drive you. These are things you allow.

My "job" is to see if I can program you to allow it. Start off with a disaster for bait. The bite comes and i twist the disaster into so many directions you lose track of how it all began. It becomes commonplace to interact with me. You hate it, but you can't stop. You just have to make you point and it's so complex you don't even know what your point is, so you just blabber nonsense at me while I yank and pull your strings however I like.

I'm a victim of my own game sometimes. I may be an evil genius but, I'm also still human. I'll say it doesn't take me long to recognize a string though. You might get me to dance a little, but you won't take me on tour.

[Zop]

I was wondering what response I'd get, and did not expect that! I was a bit in a bad mood, so I had to keep editing out ad hominem remarks, assumptions, and other nonsense. Yet I still feel I took it too far. I have seen you be constructive in this community, so it's not as if you're plainly the incarnation of Pure Evil. You get a kick out of it, and that's that. Thankfully you never meet up with these people...

[MadGypsy]

Thankfully you never meet up with these people...

But I do! Not all of them, but I will take it as far as I can. ONE PERSON...ONE! broke me. What I mean by that is, upon meeting her I was unable to be whatever it is that i was pretending to be. And it had nothing to do with beauty, or at least not physical. She was too sweet for my game. She wasn't one of these jaded, cynical, damaged women that troll for love on CL. She was a sweet sweet girl. When I told her that I was not what she thought I was, her reply was "Well, what are ya?" - I melted, brah. I didn't want to be her boyfriend (I would have destroyed her) but, at that moment I wanted her to have whatever was the best stuff she could ever have. I still talk to her. Probably not often enough.

Of course I'm not pure evil, I'm not crazy either, but I attest to being crazy and evil all the time because, it seems people are more comfortable with sticking me in a box that they "understand" as opposed to simply trying to understand.

I'm also interested in what you edited out, no matter how rude and mean it is. Put it out there if you like. I ain't afeared. I'll even eat it. I wont reply to it at all. Free licks. Actually, I invite everyone at QuakeOne to have one free lick.

Something tells me Baker is going to show up soon. {puts on better armor} &@Baker

[MadGypsy]

Am I not to have a field day with this?

Her Ad:

Bad girl , good woman
I'm bad but I would be good to you...a lot has happen , I can't take back, but I can make you forget about that. Who knew, the fools do. Thats why hes an angry jackal too!!! I can be your woo, the movie, not the melody, but scandalous if thats what you like honey, my milkshake is freah, brings all the boys to the yard, I'll make sure you get your fruit ripe not hard.Just cut the lawn and water the plants.all to give, nothing to take, to kiss a toad , brave to do, tis my grace, some say that's bad, but it would be good to you.

I have not responded yet.

I have to admit, I'm a bit intrigued about this ripe fruit business .

[Phenom]

Some people need to be told about themselves. That lady needs to be educated on what a man is.

Sounds like what she wanted was a bleeding panzy or a ticking time-bomb. Either way I'm sure MadGypsy's convo with her didn't sway her judgement (laff).

I think it was another "Paradise" by the way she came across... like a delusional sociopath with a sanitizing plastic layer across the top to keep reality from slipping in.

I'd give her new-found relationship 2 weeks before her dude finds out he's light in da heels.

real men waring what? Real men ware whatever the fvck we want to. Real men do whatever we want to. real men don't have time to worry about how fvcking square our pockets are

("Dude do these square pockets make my ass look big?")
Doesn't sound right does it?

A real man wouldn't put up with a bitch like that. MadGypsy just vocalized it.(Ok he typed it)

Maybe MadGypsy just wanted to enlighten her on his idea of a man... Nothing wrong there.
the chick better get used to it if shes looking for someone so damn picky because I guarantee her little gay boyfriend is going to try and steal her lime-light, but maybe that's what she wants... and if so then so be it...

A man who doesn't care? Every man fvcking cares!

She's obviously looking for "Super man" who crosses her i's and dots her t's...


You can't start a relationship like that lol.

[MadGypsy]

She never replied back to me.

However, I have sent two more that are sitting in my sent mail to eventually post here. In one I ask an old lady if she will be my grandma (and there is nothing mean in it). In another one I explained internet marketing to some chick and how it applies to her personal ad (there is nothing mean in this one either).

@"square pockets" - lol

Back to the first lady for a minute. She is already back on CL still looking for her fruit-in-shining-pudding. I can't be 100% positive it really is the same lady but, I know it is. Her ad is different but not that different.

My next one will be me posting an ad. Those are always fun. I generally get a lot of really fucked up responses that I can share here. The last time I did it, I got 14 responses in one day and they were unbelievably all real responses, no spam. At least none that I could tell. Nobody wanted me to use my CC to verify something.

@Real men do whatever we want to - I'm with your rant, it's pretty funny but, in my world, we all have this right, man or not. I only highlight this because I stay away from this kind of stuff. My point to the lady wasn't that "it's a man's world". My point was "she wants a sissy" and I don't want that message to start changing into a rights issue.

[JDSTONE]

dude i email got hacked by some CL bullshit yesterday. I know it was you man! lol

i just wanted to say sorry to the quakers that i have written fan letters to and are now getting spam. if it keeps happening ill burn the email account and set up a new one a MG can try to find out who the new me is....