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A good friend emailed this to me. I found it quite funny so I'm sharing it with all of you 
ZEN SARCASM
ZEN SARCASM
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
- Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
A study in the Washington Post says that women
have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say
to the authors of that study: "Duh"
--Conan O'Brien
have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say
to the authors of that study: "Duh"
--Conan O'Brien
The conversation went a little something like this:
Chris: mmmmm nope. don't have any accounts like that. wanna send me the mail. I'll look to see
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