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The Grand Ole X-Mas 2017 thread

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  • The Grand Ole X-Mas 2017 thread

    A place to blabber about shit that happened this Christmas. What kinda loot did you get? Did your grandpa get drunk and pee in the aquarium again this year? Post suicide notes in anticipation of huge January credit card bills.

    Here's my Xmas gift to everyone:

    At Christmas time I like to pass this album around. My favorite Christmas album, definitely not one you'll ever hear on the radio, and certainly not one you wanna listen to with kids in the room.

    The infamous Matt Rogers Rated X-Mas album. Songs like... I Love To Choke My Chicken With My Hand to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland, and Suck On My Cawk which is a parody of Jingle Bell Rock. Yeah, it's completely and utterly juvenile humor, but that's why it's so great.

    You can't buy this album anywhere anymore. It was pulled from the market shortly after it's release due to royalty issues or something. Apparently the creator of the album figured all of the songs he was parodying were old enough to be public domain, and one or two of them were not. But several people still had copies, and those made their way around via Napster or Scour or one of those old p2p sharing things, and eventually they got posted to youtube, which I'm pretty sure is where I collected all these and converted them to MP3. So the audio quality on some of the songs isn't terrific, but it's the best you're gonna get.


  • #2
    Wow. Either people really do hate me enough that by my mere involvement in it, they hate Christmas too... or this place really IS deader than a fuckin' hammer.

    Didn't get shit this year. Some clothes, yeah, but like most kids (I'm a kid in my late 30s), who gives a shit about clothes. I did get one thing really really cool... but I kinda got if for myself.

    2015 Fender American Elite Stratocaster.


    (Not my guitar in the pic, but mine is exactly like it)

    The top of the line Fender Strat, they don't make a better one unless it's a $3,000+ Custom Shop model. And honestly a Custom Shop strat wouldn't sound any better than this, it would simply cost more money and maybe look a little more fancy. In my opinion, this is the greatest sounding, best playing Fender Strat they've ever built.

    Technically used, but still in mint condition. Still had that clear film on the pickguard and rear tremolo plate. The previous owner bought it, played it maybe 10 minutes, but left it in the case until he resold it. It sells brand new for $2,000, but I paid $1,300.

    Aged cherry burst paintjob (just like in the pic) Ash body, rosewood fretboard maple neck, locking tuners, deluxe steel block saddles bridge with pop-in tremolo arm (instead of screw-in), Fender 4th Generation noiseless single coil pickups, Elite/Deluxe series pickup switching via push-button on volume knob, cutaway neck heel joint for better access to upper frets, locking strap pegs, deluxe ABS molded TSA flight case.

    There's honestly nothing I can do to upgrade this thing further unless I swap out the bone nut for a ball bearing roller nut, which it doesn't need because the strings don't hang AT ALL. This thing sounds INCREDIBLE. I've been playing so long on a Gibson Les Paul with super-duper high action that now when I have a Stratocaster with super low string height, I can blaze through some Nashville chicken pickin' runs like it's nothing. Love it, love it, love it. Thanks ME! We're the best!
    Last edited by Focalor; 12-26-2017, 03:40 PM.


    • #3
      Your post has 36 views so, it's not entirely dead. If I had to guess nobody gives any fucks about that Christmas album. I dl'ed it listen to maybe 1 minute and deleted it. I didn't see the point in posting here about how beyond terrible it was. IMO it wasn't even sort of funny. No hate towards you, just honesty. I think the majority (maybe all) of the people here are beyond "fart noises" (the equivalent of that album).

      That guitar looks sweet.


      • #4
        In my defense, there was a disclaimer. I stated: "Yeah, it's completely and utterly juvenile humor..." I agree, it's dumb as shit, but compared to the other stuff people usually have in their collection like the Dr Demento's Holidays in Dementia, it's at least somewhat "edgy". I only had 4 Xmas albums on my mp3 player this year.
        Dr Demento's Holidays in Dementia (zzzzzzz)
        South Park Mr. Hankey Christmas Album
        Matt Rogers Rated Xmas
        Twisted Sister Twisted Christmas

        Yeah, I don't do the "traditional" xmas thing. Not a fan of the Bible, but I do appreciate Christmas for the gift giving and family get-together stuff. Let's face it, it's really not a "religious" holiday anymore and hasn't been since the department stores and television hijacked it back in the 50's.

        And speaking of fart noises, if there were an album where someone did 10 or so classic christmas songs entirely on a fart noise synthesizer, I'd probably add it to my collection.


        • #5
          My 2016 Gibson Les Paul Studio Faded and my new 2015 Fender American Elite Stratocaster.

          Image won't click and go full size, so here's a link in case you wanna see all the fingerprint smudges on em better.

          Explaining the image filename... Like the douchebag that I am, I've named my guitars like any other guitar playing shithead douchebag would, because why be original at all... ever. So I've decided to pretend they're whores in my brothel and call the Les Paul "Brunette Bitch" and the Strat "Red Headed Slut".
          Last edited by Focalor; 01-10-2018, 10:03 AM.